It's Up To You, New York, New York!
by Jubilation Bells
Summary: While we saw what was going on for everyone at home, what was Amy thinking about everything when she was in New York? From her feelings towards Adrian's pregnancy and how everyone kept it from her to her new developing feelings for Ricky.
1. Goodbye Amy Juergens

AN: This story takes place in season 3 in the episodes where Amy is in New York. Since we only got to see her briefly in phone calls for most of those episodes, this story is meant to give her POV of everything that happened as well as some additional information. This is _not_ meant to differ from the actual show, but rather just act as a gap filler for what we did not see. Each episode will be its own chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own the plot or any of the characters. Everything belongs to Brenda Hampton.

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><p>I'm so excited to go to New York. I was just accepted into this summer music program, which could eventually lead to Julliard. It was a very last minute decision since I only found out about this program a few days ago, but it was an opportunity that I just couldn't pass up. My friends and family have been more than supportive of me taking full advantage of this opportunity and I love them all dearly for that!<p>

Ricky even offered to stay at my house to take care of John so he could keep his same schedule he has always been on. You know, once I was finally able to stop hating Ricky for what happened at band camp two years ago, he is actually not such a bad guy. Lately we have been getting along a lot better than we ever had been and it's kind of nice.

I dropped John off at the nursery this morning. I would have loved nothing more than to give him a big hug before I left, but I want to keep him on the same schedule he's always been on. Plus I don't want him to be upset seeing me walk out the door with a suitcase. I have no idea how I am going to manage being away from him for a whole month.

I got home, said goodbye to my family. Ben picked me up so he could take me to the airport. We just got back together after being broken up for a while. I'm going to miss him too so I'm happy he offered to take me; even though he has been acting very strange lately.

We finally reached the airport. We were kissing in the car for a while. I almost didn't want to leave.

"Hey you two, the airline escort is waiting to take Amy through security, so finish up your goodbyes and… BENJAMIN" – Ben's dad said

I had almost forgot he was in the car

"Bye Ben, I love you," I said as I grabbed my things and got out of the car.

"Thanks Mr. Boykewich, for everything. Take good care of Ben," I said/

I kissed Ben one more time and headed inside.

I found the terminal with no problem. I got on the plane and immediately fell asleep. When I finally woke up, I was in New York! The dorms were much nicer than I had pictured. It wasn't even like a dorm at all, more like my very first apartment! When I was finally a little bit settled, I called my parents to let them know I made it there safely and check on John.

I told my dad all about my experience getting there and about my new apartment. He did not share the same excitement about the freedom of the apartment-style housing, but I was way too excited to care. I can't believe I have my own apartment in New York! I can't wait to get started with everything here!

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><p><strong>AN: <strong>Chapter 1 is by far the weakest. This particular episode did not give me a whole lot to work with. I may edit it later and completely change it if I get inspired enough. If you are not drawn into the story yet, please give it another chance and reading, I promise it gets better. :)


	2. Which Way Did She Go?

It's my first day in New York and I can't wait to get out there and explore the city! Today is orientation for the program so I made sure to get up early enough to give myself plenty of time to find the school. Before doing anything else, I looked at the map of the city I got before I left; but looking at it just confused me so much. I decided to call home and ask my parents for help.

"Hello," my dad answered.

"Hey Dad, it's me," I said.

"Amy?" he asked sounding concerned.

"Amy, what time is it?" my mom asked.

"It's seven here," I answered

"Amy it's 4:00 am," my mom sounded frustrated.

I guess I kind of forgot about the time difference.

"I know," I said, "But I'm trying to figure out where I'm going."

"Get a taxi," she told me. But I know they told us to take a subway, not a taxi.

After a brief argument regarding public transportation in New York, my mom encouraged me to get outside and try and figure it out by following my map. Clearly I didn't listen as well as I thought I did when my parents were explaining this. Thinking about getting lost in the big city was starting to make me nervous and my mom could tell. Talking to her was a little more encouraging, but I'm still not really sure where to go or what to do. I guess the only way to figure it out is to get out there.

I left my apartment with my map, French horn, and things I needed for school. It was still really early so the weather was really nice. I was completely lost but doing my best to find my way around. I looked like a total tourist, that's for sure.

I walked around for hours looking for the school but I couldn't find it. It seemed like the more I looked for it the more lost I got. I asked almost everyone I could for directions, but I kept on getting more confused with each one. On the bright side, I did meet a lot of nice people and saw some great sites. New York really is amazing!

When it started getting dark I knew I had obviously missed orientation so I decided to make my way back to my apartment. Miraculously, I found it. When I got home, I decided to call Ricky to see how John was. Ricky was being kind of short with me as if he didn't want to talk. He told me that John was already in bed and that he was in the middle of something. It seemed a little early for John to be in bed already, but I don't know, maybe he had a busy day at the nursery or something. After that I tried to call Ben but he didn't answer which made me think of how weird he was acting before I left. I brushed it off and decided to call my best friends. I tried Madison first but she didn't answer. Lauren didn't either when I tried her. I even tried calling my sister too, but I got no response from her either. I can't help but wonder what is going on with everyone. Oh well, I can't worry about that now.

The next morning I woke up early again. Since no one answered the phone, I decided I would e-mail everyone just because I miss them and I'm curious about what's going on with them. I decided to e-mail my parents and Ricky first because I really miss John and I need to know how he is doing. While I was writing it I heard a knock on my door.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"It's your buddy, Bristol," the voice on the other side of the door replied.

"Who?" I asked confused.

"We're on a buddy system here, we're buddies. Open the door," she said.

"I don't know anything about this."

"Are you Amy Juergens? We have to get to class. You missed orientation yesterday."

Figuring she was telling the truth, I finally opened the door for her. She was a tall brunette girl who looked about my age.

"I couldn't find the school," I told her.

"I came by yesterday morning at nine to go with you."

"I was out by seven."

"I left you a note on the door last night, but I see it's still there."

"Yeah, I went to bed early, I was lost all day."

"Sorry," she laughed.

"Alright, well I'm just going to turn off my computer. I was just going to send something to my… family," I hesitated.

"Do you have a son or a daughter?" she asked me.

"I have a son," I responded proudly.

"Me too," she said.

I paused for a second. I didn't tell her that or anyone else here that I had a baby. Other than the pictures of John around my room, there wouldn't be any other way of knowing. You can't assume he is my son just from a picture. That little kid could be anyone. Heck, my brother is _younger_ than my son. And even weirder, of all 'buddies' to get in this program, mine is also a teenage mother? Something is off.

"How did you know I had a baby?" I asked her hesitantly, "and you have a son?"

"We're all teen moms, and musicians," she answered.

"Everyone in this program?" I asked slightly outraged.

"The program is for teen moms who are also musicians."

To say I was a little disappointed would be an understatement. I was totally led on and tricked into coming here. Had I known that I only got here because I had a baby, I don't know if I would have.

"So I didn't get here on my own?" I asked disappointed.

"Of course you did, you're the world's greatest French horn player; and I'm Yo-Yo Ma. Come on we have to get going."

Her sarcasm was not what I needed to hear right now since obviously I was disappointed. "Bink!" I thought to myself while gathering my stuff. I knew that councilor was crazy. I didn't think I liked her in the first place, now I'm sure I don't.

For now, though, I'm just going to try and stay positive about this. I'm still in New York and I can still have a good time, right? But so far between not hearing from anyone from home and now this, New York has not been so great.


	3. She Went That A'Way

Bristol and I talked a little bit as we walked to class, but I didn't really feel like talking to her. I was annoyed about what I learned about the program but I guess she convinced me that it would be ok because by the time we got to class I had cooled down quite a bit.

When we got there we went into a big band room, much bigger than the one at Grant High School. The school was beautiful so I finally realized this could be worth it. It's Saturday, and normally we don't have class on the weekends. Today was just a quick session for us to get to know each other a little bit.

After we all introduced ourselves, the instructor broke us up into groups based on what instrument we play because these would be the people we could potentially be performing with and we did a few music exercises.

There were six of us in my group and the other girls were all great. After class, my group decided to go to lunch together at a coffee shop down the street from the apartment building. It turned out to be same one I ate dinner at last night.

It was nice hanging out with other girls who can relate to me. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends back home but they don't always understand everything I go through being a teenage mother. It's a nice change of pace being around other people in the same situation.

When we finished up lunch we walked back to the apartment together. We all live in the same corridor. When I got back to my room I decided to call Ricky and see how John was doing. This is the longest I've ever gone without talking to him and I really miss him.

Ricky picked up and gave the phone immediately to John. I could vaguely hear him and Ashley talking in the background. I couldn't hear what they were saying but I didn't really care, I just wanted to talk to John.

"Good Morning John! It's me, it's Mama," I said right before the line went dead.

That was strange. I called Ricky back right away but this time he didn't answer. I tried one more time and then I tried calling Ashley but she didn't answer either. I have no idea what's going on with everyone but I would love to know why they are all ignoring me.

After giving up on them I called my mom. Finally someone answered. Unfortunately, I did not get to talk to John because Ricky was doing something with him. I talked to my mom a little bit. She told me that John was fine and I told her about everything I've been doing here so far. It wasn't a very long conversation but it was nice to finally talk to someone from home.

I tried calling Ben again but he didn't answer either. I have no idea what's going on with him but it's getting really annoying! Just as I was about to try calling him again someone knocked at my door. It was Jackie from my group this morning. She told me that the girls were going to see a movie and she invited me to go with. I figured this was a perfect way to get my mind off of all the weirdness going on at home.

We had a great time at the movie. The girls were all talking about going to dinner after it, but I really wanted to talk to John since I still had not done that today, so I told them I would meet them later.

I tried calling Ricky again and once again he didn't answer. I'm starting to get really frustrated with him. It's thing for everyone else to ignore my calls but he has my son so he of all people should understand how badly I want to talk to my son. He usually tells me everything.

Instead of sitting around worrying about something I can't control. I decided to meet the girls for dinner. I am really lucky to have found a group that I get along with so well. I chose not to tell the girls about what's been going on at home today. I didn't want to sound too paranoid since I don't know them that well yet.

When I got home from dinner, I tried calling everyone again. I called Madison first and she clearly rejected my call. What the hell! I tried Lauren, Ben, and Ricky and again, none of them answered.

I was so frustrated. As I was trying to make these unsuccessful phone calls, my friend Jane walked into my room.

"Amy, are you ok?" she asked.

"No, I'm so annoyed, I've been trying to talk to my son all day and I literally can't get a hold of anyone. I think they might be ignoring me."

"Really? That's weird. Maybe it's not them, maybe it's your phone."

"Maybe," I thought. I had not thought of that possibility.

Maybe it was my phone that was the problem. It had to be, I mean why would everyone at home all be ignoring me? Maybe my service provider doesn't handle long distance calls very well or maybe my phone is just busted. Either way. I feel a lot better with that theory.

Jane and I talked for a little while longer before she left. I decided to text everyone to let them know that my phone isn't working.

_To: Ricky, Ben, Mom, Dad, Ashley_

_Hey I'm having problems with my phone. E-mail me for now instead._

I only got one response from that mass text

_From: Ben_

_I'm having problems with my computer. I'll try but it might take a few days._

Again, weird, but on that note I decided to go to bed.

The next morning I went to my computer and noticed Ashley was available on video chat. When I clicked on her name I saw her in my room playing with John. I was so excited to see his face.

"Good morning John, it's Mama!" I said excitedly getting their attention, "Hi, how are you. I love you baby."

He looked so confused, but I didn't care, I was so happy to see him.

"It's me, it's Mama. Mommy's in New York, say 'hi Mommy,'" I said as he started to walk away. "No, John come back to the computer!" I shouted. "Come back to the computer. Look at the computer John." He finally looked back at me.

"There you are, I can see you!"

He started walking away again.

"No John, don't go away!" I cried.

"He's fine," Ashley cut in.

"He can't be fine, Ashley. He's one, I'm his mother, I'm in New York. Go get him."

"Oh Amy, stop. The kid doesn't know you're not here. He just thinks you're at school or living in the computer or something. He's fine." She said as she looked over at him. "Bye," she said quickly and then shut her computer.

It's pretty obviously that something fishy is going on at home. But instead of worrying about it, there were things I had to take care of today. Unpacking, grocery shopping, getting ready for classes; I had to keep my mind off of everything.


	4. New York, New York

Before I went to bed I texted Ashley about this phone situation.

_To: Ashley_

_Are you getting my texts? No one is answering my calls and I can't get through to anyone._

_From: Ashley_

_Yes_

Ok, talk about a vague response. I don't know what her problem is lately but whatever it is, she needs to lighten up. The next morning I called my parents to tell them about my phone.

"Dad, I think there's something wrong with my phone, I keep getting cut off and I think my calls might not be going through." I told him.

"Oh, Amy, that's terrible… You're cutting out... We'll get you a new phone. We will." He said before he hung up.

Great. More phone problems. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

On my way to class I _finally_ heard from Ben. It was a little after nine here so he must have gotten up super early just to catch me before class. I was just happy to finally hear form him

"Hello?" I said.

"Oh hi, are you busy? I was hoping to catch you before you went to school." he asked.

"Yeah perfect timing. What's going on?"

"Oh nothing, I just miss you."

"I miss you too, Ben."

Ben hesitated for a second. "In fact I miss you so much, what would you think of my dad and me flying to New York to have dinner with you tomorrow night?"

My Jaw dropped. "Are you serious!" I exclaimed, "I would LOVE that!"

"Great, well I will let you get back to whatever you were doing then, but I will see you tomorrow. I love you."

For some reason he did not sound nearly as excited as I did but I guess I was too excited to care. When we hung up the phone I was practically giddy. Maybe that's why he was ignoring my calls, because he was surprising me!

"What was that about?" Bristol asked me as we were on our way to the school.

"That was just Ben, my boyfriend. He's coming here for dinner tomorrow night," I told her excitedly.

"Oh that's so sweet," she said, "is he bringing your son with him."

I paused. I guess while everyone at home was familiar with my relationship situation, I was still going to have to explain it to everyone here. Part of this program is group counseling so obviously it's going to come up, so I better get started telling people.

"Ben is actually not my son's father," I told her, "John's father and I have actually never been a couple."

"But he stuck around?" she asked sounding very surprised by that.

"Yes he stuck around, he's very involved in John's life. He's not a bad guy he just isn't my boyfriend. Things happen but for right now, this arrangement works for us." Defending Ricky was still a fairly new concept to me but when all is said and done, I couldn't ask for a better father for John. I know I used to want it to be Ben but after seeing Ben and John together I quickly changed my mind about that.

"Do you think you'll ever date him?" she asked; the question that I've been asked over and over for the past two years.

"Now is not a good time for us to think about that," I told her.

I think I made her uncomfortable talking about this because she quickly changed the subject. I remember she had mentioned that she and her baby's father had been together for years before she got pregnant. I am interested to hear about all of the other girls and their situations because I always feel very judged when I talk about mine.

When we got to school the first part of the day was music class. We learned a few new pieces in the small groups that we were broken into the other day. Our first concert was going to be this weekend so within our groups we were auditioning pieces. We played a bunch of different ones before it was finally time to break for lunch. I sat with the same people in the cafeteria. They could all tell that I was excited about something.

"What's going on with you?" Megan asked me.

"Oh nothing, I'm just excited because my boyfriend is coming here for dinner tomorrow," I responded excitedly.

"Is he bringing the baby?" Jackie asked.

I rolled my eyes for a second. I guess it's fair to assume that my boyfriend was the father of my baby, but it still annoys me every time. I responded as generally as I could, "He isn't my baby's father but that's a long story that I don't want to talk about right now. I'm sure it will come up in one of these sessions pretty soon."

"Wait is this the boyfriend that wouldn't take your calls all week?" Jane asked sounding confused.

"Yeah, but I think that got straightened out. I'm just having problems with my phone, that's all."

She looked a little skeptical about that but I didn't care. We finished up lunch and walked over to the group session. Since they wanted us to be able to open up to each other, the first day was easy. All we had to do today was talk about our babies. I could talk about John for hours so I had no trouble opening up for this.

After school we all walked back the apartments together and the girls and I went to dinner again. Afterwards I did homework then called Ricky. He answered but sounded upset. He told me that my parents told him to take a break and sent him home for the night and John was with them. I called Ashley and she put John on the phone. We talked for a little while before my dad came in to put him to bed. On that note I decided I would go to bed too.

The next day seemed to drag on for ever. I was too excited to focus on anything that was going. I can honestly say I payed attention to nothing in class so my group probably sounded horrible in practice, but I didn't care. My friends were all making fun of how giddy I was at lunch but again, I didn't care. In the afternoon group session I didn't feel like talking. We were just talking about our families and how they supported us anyway. I must admit that I was very surprised by how some of the girls' parents reacted to the news of their pregnancies. Some offered no support and some even kicked them out of the house. I felt bad after hearing that because I can't imagine my parents not being there for me. Because I was looking forward to tonight so much, I couldn't really think about that right now. The session still took forever because I could not wait to get out of there.

It was finally time to meet Ben! Some of the girls were teasing me about it because I changed my outfit like four times and it took me hours to get ready. My cab was here and I was ready to go. The restaurant wasn't far from my apartment but I was so excited the ride seemed to take forever!

We finally pulled up to the restaurant and there I saw Ben and Leo waiting outside for me.

"Ben!" I shouted as I ran out of the cab and hugged him, "I can't believe you're here."

"I can't believe I'm here either," he said nervously.

"Don't you love it? This is so exciting! Hi Mr. Boykewich!" I exclaimed

"Hi Amy, you look beautiful," Leo said, "doesn't she look beautiful, Ben" New York has been good for you."

"Thank you," I said.

"You really do look beautiful," Ben told me.

"Have you gotten taller?" I asked him half kidding.

"No, I don't think so," he responded nervously again.

"I'm going to go in and get us a table and a drink and I'll see you inside," Leo told us as he hugged me.

As soon as he walked away I ran up and kissed Ben repeatedly. I couldn't believe he came all this way just to see me. But that didn't last long because he pulled away with the most unsettling news I could get.

"Amy, Adrian's pregnant and it's my baby," he said as if it were all one word.

I could not believe what I had just heard. I just stared at him speechless. He kept talking but I wasn't really listening; I was still trying to process what he had just said.

"Oh god, it wasn't supposed to come out like that. Wait." He paused. "Amy I love you, I've loved you since the first time I saw you," he started rambling a speech that he had clearly rehearsed but I didn't want to hear it.

"Adrian's pregnant?" I interrupted.

"…and since that time we've been through a lot together…" he continued with his speech.

"What, what are you talking about?" I asked him sternly.

"…our problems have only made us stronger and we've grown up a lot since then…"

"Ben Stop!" I yelled. At this point I was just livid. "Is this why you came out here? To tell me that Adrian's pregnant with your baby?"

"I wanted to talk to you face to face."

"Why? So you can remember what my face looks like the last time you see me?"

"Amy, I don't want to marry Adrian, I'm not going to marry Adrian."

"She's actually having the baby?"

"She is actually having my baby… But that doesn't have to change anything between us."

I could not believe he just said that. Of course it changes thing between us, it changes everything between us. I was too mad and shocked to even respond.

"Look, we'll go in there, we'll just have dinner and we'll talk about it," he said trying to still convince me everything would be ok.

"No, no we are NOT going to do that."

"But I came all this way to see you; and I have a calculus test tomorrow. I don't know why I just said that. Do you like pecan pie, they have great pecan pie." He kept rambling on.

"Here is what I think of pecan pie!" I screamed at him as I got right back in the taxi that took me there.

I was experiencing such a strange mix of emotions that I didn't even know how to handle them. I was mad, upset, hurt, and sad all at once. I could not believe him! I never want to speak to him again!

When I got home I went straight to my room. I passed a few of my friends in the hall but they could tell I was clearly upset so they left me alone. I sat on my bed and decided I needed to talk to the only person who could possibly make me feel better right now, John.

I dialed Ricky's number and surprisingly he picked up this time.

"Hello?" he picked up.

"I need to talk to John," I cut right to the chase.

"Amy, are you ok, you sound really upset."

"Oh, you picked up on that did you? I just want to talk to John."

"Amy do you really think it's a good idea to talk to John when you're this upset?" he asked I guess trying to calm me down.

"That's none of your business, just let me talk to my son."

"Amy, I know what Ben told you is upsetting but-"

I cut him off, "Wait, you knew? You knew and you didn't tell me? How long have you known?"

"About what?"

"Don't play dumb just tell me what you know!"

"Not that long, only a few days, but we figured it would be best if Ben told you himself."

"WE?" I screamed, "Who exactly is WE?"

He didn't say anything.

"So everyone knew but me?"

He didn't say anything again.

"TELL ME!"

"Yes, everyone knows but like I said we thought it would be best for Ben to tell you himself. It isn't really anyone else's business."

"I see, so you all decided it would be better to make me look like an idiot while I'm alone on the other side of the country with no one and stupidly getting excited for such a shitty visit? Thanks a lot!" I said as I hung up the phone.

I feel bad for yelling at Ricky like that since this wasn't exactly his fault but he had no excuse not to tell me. I definitely do not want to talk to anyone from home. How could no one have told me? I would expect this from Ashley but not Ricky, or my parents, or best friends. It's like I can't trust anyone anymore.


	5. The Sounds of Silence

I decided to turn off my phone for the next few days. Everyone kept calling me but I didn't want to talk to anyone. They all betrayed me and I have nothing to say to any of them. Every time I turned my phone on there would be about a million texts, voicemails, and e-mails from Ben. He needs to get the hint that it's over!

The only time I would actually turn on my phone would be to call John. The problem with that is that in order to talk to John I have to talk to Ricky first. Every time I called him he tried to talk to me but I would let him know that I am not interested in anything he has to say and don't say anything else until he gets John.

I went about my days as I normally would, just leaving out the part where I talk to anyone from home. I went to school, practiced, did homework, and hung out with the girls. I was finally starting to open up to them about my situation and everything that's been going on with me. For the most part, they all understood my frustration.

This is why I love hanging out with them. Everyone at home would probably try to turn the situation back on me and say I did the same thing when I was pregnant I know that isn't true. I met Ricky before Ben and even though I didn't _tell_ Ben I was pregnant, when he asked I didn't deny it. In his case, he practically cheated on me! I mean I guess we were technically broken up when it happened but we were still talking! And to make it worse, the girl he slept with was my worst enemy! AND they only did it to get back at me and Ricky! Then not only did he not tell me, but he lied about it too! The two situations are completely different!

Friday morning I finally decided to turn my phone back on and almost immediately it started ringing. I still didn't want to talk to anyone. I saw it was my dad but I'm still too mad at him and everyone else to talk so I didn't answer. He called three more times before he left a message. I decided to listen to it but there was no way I was calling him back.

"Come on, pick up! We're all worried about you Amy, you pick up that phone right now, right now young lady!"

Did he really think that was going to work? Please! A couple minutes later I got a call from Ashley. I most certainly didn't want to talk to her either. I don't understand why everyone doesn't get that I am mad at them and want to be left alone! I'll talk to them when I'm ready! I ignored her call on the first ring. She left a message that put me in an even worse mood than I already was.

"Hey Amy, I'm sorry about Ben and Adrian. And I'm sorry about Ricky and me; I wish I had never kissed him."

WHAT. THE. HELL? I wanted to think that was some kind of sick joke she was playing on me, but Ashley really isn't the joking type. That's so wrong on so many levels! Not only is she keeping secrets from me about my boyfriend getting my enemy pregnant, but now she's kissing Ricky, my baby's father! I don't think I can forgive her for that, or him.

I started pacing around my apartment. It really wasn't helping with anything but I didn't know what else to do. I don't know how long I was doing that but eventually Bristol came to the door to get me for class.

She stared at me for a few seconds. "Are you ok?" she asked me.

I was still in my pajamas and had not even started getting ready for school. I was too angry.

"Just go without me," I said to myself but loud enough so she could hear me.

"Do you want to talk about anything?" She asked sympathetically.

"No, just go," I responded more rudely than I had intended.

"Alright, well if you need anything I'm here for you," she told me as she left.

I appreciate her concern but I don't even know where to begin explaining this one to anyone. There is too much going on in my head for me to go to class. Right now, I just need to be by myself to gather my thoughts because if I talk to anyone at all right now I will probably explode just like I almost did at Bristol.

I probably paced around the apartment for hours. Throughout that time my phone rang constantly. It was Ben almost every time. I can guarantee he is the LAST person I will talk to right now. Seeing his name on my caller ID every 15 minutes is definitely not helping either.

When I finally cooled down I decided to go to my afternoon classes. I figured right now group therapy might not be such a bad idea. I sat by my friends and based on the fact I missed morning classes, they knew something was wrong.

"Hey Amy, where were you this morning?" Molly asked me, "Bristol told us you were having a rough day."

"Ugh this situation just keeps getting worse," I said as calmly as I could.

"Ben again?" asked Jane.

"No this time it's Ricky."

"Ricky? John's dad Ricky?" Megan asked very surprised, "What did he do."

"He kissed my sister," I said practically fighting back tears again.

All of my friends were silent.

"Yeah, that's pretty much the same reaction I had when I found out," I told them still trying to keep calm.

They were all apologizing to me and hugging me until the session was about to start. Again we were talking about our main support systems. How Ironic after everything I've been through for the past few days. This was another session I did not feel like I could agree with but somehow it helped a lot.

A large part of the session was talking about the men in our lives. Apparently it's common pattern among teen mothers to be missing their father in their life. I guess I never realized that because my dad has always been there for me. This made me think of Adrian. I know her father was never around for her when she was growing up and now she is about to be a teenage mother too. Similarly, many of the girls in this room had an absent father as well.

The father conversation was soon followed by our relationships to other men. The councilor claims that when a father figure is missing in a girl's life, she sometimes turns to other men to fill that void in not the best ways; she said it's sometimes referred to as "daddy issues". I had actually heard that phrase before. Again this made me think of Adrian. She slept around a lot and I had always just figured it was because she was a slut and proud of it. I guess maybe she was trying to fill the void of not having her father or something like that, too.

Of course this led into the conversation about our babies' fathers. I know Ricky is a great dad and I appreciate everything he's done for me, but I am still way too mad at him to sing his praises right now so I remained silent of this part. While some girls in the room did have great relationships with the father of their babies, others really didn't but for some reason were still trying to make it work. This _again_ made me think of Adrian. While Ricky is not the father of her baby, she did fight really hard for her relationship with him to work when he clearly was not putting that same effort in. I know I could never put up with a boyfriend who was constantly cheating on me but for some reason, Adrian did. Now I guess I know why.

When the session ended I left by myself and in a hurry. I needed to think. I am still unbelievably mad at all of my friends and family for not telling me about Ben and Adrian, but this session really did make me realize how lucky I am to have them.

When I got home I called John. I still didn't want to talk to Ricky at all but it comes with the territory so I had no choice. I dialed his number and he picked up on the first ring.

"Amy?" He asked as if it would have been someone else.

"Put John on the phone," was all I said.

"Amy, can we please talk, everyone is worried about you."

"I don't want to talk to you or anyone else, just John."

"Well I'm not putting John on until you talk to me." This was a big mistake on his part.

"YOU KISSED ASHLEY?" I screamed. I knew I would end up yelling at him if he kept me on the phone long enough, and sure enough, he did.

"How did you-" he started before I cut him off.

"She told me! What is wrong with you? Do you have any self control at all? I can't believe you! That's wrong on so many levels!" I just kept screaming at him and he kept trying to get a word in.

"I didn't kiss her she kissed me," I heard him say quietly.

"Oh, and let me guess, you did everything in your power to stop her? Bullshit! Look, I don't want to talk to you right now, I'm too angry, just please put my son on the phone."

Finally he did. John and I talked for a little while which did make me feel a lot better. It's crazy how much I love that kid. When John and I were done he gave the phone back to Ricky who again wanted to talk but I just hung up.

Some of my friends came into my room to try and talk to me but after everything that happened today, I really needed to be by myself. I kept thinking that maybe I should have listened to Ricky's side of the story before screaming at him like I did. But then again, after everything I've been going through the past few days, I had been bottling up a lot of anger and it did feel good to finally get it out. I'll apologize for yelling the next time I talk to him.

I couldn't stop thinking about Adrian. I've been so wrapped up in my feelings of anger and frustration at everyone for keeping this news from me but I never really did think about her feelings at all. She's probably feeling just as scared and overwhelmed as I did when I was pregnant in high school. It was the hardest thing I ever did.

I thought about her pretty much all night. Everything I learned today traced back to her. I know we were never really friends. In fact, you could say we were enemies, but I guess I finally can understand why she is the way she is and does the things she does. Also, I am one of the only people who can understand what she's going through. I guess I don't have to like her, but I can still be a friend to her. Other than Grace I don't think she has many other friends.

The next morning I decided to call her. It took her a few rings to answer.

"Amy?" she answered nervously.

"Hey Adrian," I said.

"Hi," she said sounding very confused, "did you mean to call me?"

"Yeah I meant to call you, there's something I want to say to you."

"Alright, go ahead," she said a little more confident this time, "Say anything you want, I can take it."

"Adrian, you know this music program I'm in is for teen mothers who are musicians. I've gotten to know about 40 other girls who are mothers, just like me and just like who you're going to be."

"Yeah?" she asked finally not sounding like I was about to beat her up.

"Yeah, and it's not easy to have a baby in high school. One of the hardest things about it is you lose most of your friends."

"Ok?" she said still confused about what I was saying.

"Not that we were ever close friends but there were a few times when you came up to me and offered to be my friend and I just want to know if that offer still stands."

"The offer to be your friend?"

"Well, for us to be friends," I clarified, "I mean after all we're neighbors and, I don't know, maybe one day our children will play together."

"Yeah, maybe they will."

"So friends?"

"Friends," she responded sounding a little better now than when the conversation started.

"I'll see you in a couple weeks."

"OK, see you."

"Bye, Adrian."

"Bye, Amy"

I felt a lot better after talking to her and it sounded like she did too. Maybe making peace with her is the first step to forgiving everyone else.


	6. Chicken Little

Talking to Adrian put me in a much better mood than I had been for the past few days. Today was Sunday and we have a concert coming up Tuesday night. I'm excited because I have a solo piece in it and I'm part of a quartette and the big group orchestra number. That also means I have to practice all day.

I was practicing the pieces for most of the morning until I was really starting to get bored of playing. After rehearsing my solo like a million times, I met with Molly, Kayla, and Megan in Megan's room to work on our quartette. My phone ringing kept interrupting our practice. Every time it was Ben. I guess I had gotten used to my phone going off all the time so I was able to ignore it but the other girls got distracted every time.

Again, I filled them in on everything that's been going on with me. As I was telling them, Ricky called me. I wasn't going to answer it but they all thought it would be a good idea to talk to him now that I've calmed down about everything. I stepped outside to take the call.

"Hello?"

"So you're finally picking up?" he said sarcastically.

"I guess I am, what do you need?"

"I just want to talk to you. Obviously you're mad at me still and I understand but can we please just talk about it?"

I didn't really want to talk about it but I guess the only way to get over it would be to let it out.

"Fine," I said, "We can talk about it. Why did you do it?"

"What?" he asked sounding very confused.

"The kiss, why did you do it?"

"I told you, she was the one who kissed me."

"What does that mean exactly?"

"Amy, look, I wasn't thinking. I knew it was a bad idea but she was upset about a lot of things and she came to me. I honestly did try to stop her, I did. But I wasn't thinking and I'm really sorry."

I didn't say anything. I guess I was waiting for him to say more but he thought he had explained it all.

"Look, I don't know what else to say other than I'm sorry," he started, "I know it's just been bad new after bad news for you and I really don't like it when you're angry with me."

I paused for a long time. "I forgive you," I finally said.

"Thank you," he said sounding very relieved. "Will you consider talking to your family, because they are really worried about you?"

"I will eventually," I laughed. "I actually have to go, we're in the middle of rehearsing but thanks for clearing that up. I'll probably call you later to talk to John."

"Thanks for finally listening, Bye Amy."

"Bye."

When I got back to the room the girls had been talking about the final concert at the end of the program and how excited they were for it. I, on the other hand, was already losing all of my excitement for this coming concert, I can't even think about the final one.

Throughout this program I started to realize the truths about my talents in music. Some of these girls started playing their instrument when they were three and four years old and they absolutely live for it. I used to think that about myself too but after being here and its French horn all day every day, I'm starting to wonder how much I actually love it.

When we were finally done practicing, we all went and got dinner. Molly was very excited because she just found out Mark, her fiancé and her daughter Elaine were coming to the final concert. Some of the other girls expressed interest in having their significant others come too. I could only roll my eyes at the thought.

* * *

><p>Monday and Tuesday were all about rehearsing for the concert. The days were long and draining but I guess it turned out to be work it because the concert went very well. Because of this we got the day off on Wednesday. It was a nice opportunity to relax.<p>

Thursday morning we were all right back to working hard. When Bristol and I were walking to class, she told me her boyfriend and son were coming to the final concert too. I guess I had an unsettled look on my face when she told me that because there was an awkward silence afterward.

"So is Ricky coming?" she asked innocently.

"No," I answered without even really thinking about the question.

We walked the rest of the way still in the awkward silence.

When we got to class, the teacher told us about this Shakespeare festival going on in Central Park on Friday night. It sounded like fun when he was describing it. He also told us that he selected three quartettes from Tuesday night's concert that were going to play at the festival. Mine was one of them. I thought I would be more excited about it than I was.

When we got to lunch, it seemed like everyone now had their significant other and child coming to the final concert. I couldn't help but feel jealous but I've known all along that my situation was more unique than theirs.

In our group session that afternoon, the main topic was goals for our future. I used to think that was an easy question. I wanted to go to Juilliard and eventually play the French horn professionally. After being here with all of these great musicians, I realize that not only are the chances of playing professionally like slim to none, but compared to some of these other girls, I doubt I'm good enough to get into Juilliard either. At this point, I'm not even sure that I want to anymore either.

There was, of course, more talk about our support systems. It kind of occurred to me that I never really loved the French horn as much as I thought my mother did. This got me thinking about if Juilliard was really my dream, or if it was her dream for me. I don't know anymore. One thing I did know, though, was I was finally ready to talk to Ashley again. I mean we don't always get along, lately not very much at all, but she is still my sister and nothing will ever change that. I'm always going to need her on some level.

After dinner that night I called her. She picked up the phone but she didn't say anything.

"Hey Ashley, are you there?" I asked.

"Yeah I'm here," she said sounding as if she had been crying, "are you speaking to me?"

"Yeah I'm speaking to you. I want to speak to you anyway."

"About what?"

"You know what; that message you left me."

"Didn't you already speak to Ricky about that?"

"Yeah, I did speak to Ricky. I thought it was probably Ricky who was the one who initiated the kiss. I thought it was the wrong thing to do to kiss you. But you were the one who kissed him; or the one who initiated it anyway."

"Yeah, and?"

"And… Ricky said it was really a kiss, a nice long kiss."

"He gave you all the details, huh? I really didn't think he was the kiss and tell type."

"I pressured him to give me the details. I wanted to know"

"Why?"

"I don't know, because you're my sister. You always thought he was cute. You were always attracted to him. I always knew you two would get around to kissing each other one day, I just didn't know it would be this soon I guess. I thought it would be after I found someone and after I was in love, and after I didn't care.

"So you care?"

"I don't know," I said as honestly as I could, "I don't know if I care. I mean maybe I care a little bit. I don't want my little sister stealing the guy I had a baby with, even if I was only with him the one time. It makes me feel like a loser."

"Wait, when did you start talking like a real person and telling the truth," she asked clearly surprised by how honest I was being with her.

"Since I…" I paused unsure if I should tell her. "You promise not to tell?"

"Promise not to tell what?"

"That I'm giving up the French horn." Finally saying it out loud felt very freeing.

"Aren't you there for a music program? Aren't you there so you can go to Juilliard some day?"

"Well, that's why I came here, but do you want to know something really funny?"

"Yeah, I would love to know something funny."

"I'm not very good at playing the French horn."

"Well I knew that, I've heard you play."

"Ashley!" I exclaimed, surprised by her comment.

"I'm just joking… kind of."

"I'll have you know I'm good, I'm very good. I'm just not good enough. I'll never be good enough. I just didn't start early enough or compete in big enough circles."

"Well, you're a junior next year, you've still got time to improve."

"Maybe, I don't know if I want to. I've been dragging around that French horn for ten years now and I only did it to please Mom. I thought she really loved the French horn, but you know what, I don't. And that's so freeing, Ashley, to give up one dream and start dreaming something else."

"You mean like Ricky?"

I sighed, "Maybe we both should give him up."

"Well I think we're going to have to, he's over at Adrian's"

"Is he?" I asked. That is probably the last place on earth I would expect him to be right now. "Oh well, that's ok I guess. You know I talked to her last week. I called her, we had a really nice conversation."

Clearly Ashley couldn't believe it. "You didn't start drinking at that school did you?" she laughed.

"No, I didn't."

"Don't get all mature on me now, ok."

"Ok. Are you ok, Ashley?"

"Yeah, I'm ok. I guess sometimes your sister will tell you things even your friends won't."

"So how are your friends?"

"You mean my friend? Griffin? Grace set him up with some guy."

"Grace knows a guy for Griffin?" I was very surprised by this.

"Apparently she does."

"Well good for him. He deserves to find a nice guy. And you know what, Ashley, so do you."

"Thanks, Amy. I'll talk to you later ok."

"Ok, bye Ashley."

Talking to her has also made me feel better. She is the first person I've told about the French horn thing and I was so happy to finally get it off my chest. Knowing that it is not something I need to be the best at and I don't need to strive for perfection pretty much brought the passion I used to have for it back.


	7. My Girlfriend's Back

Friday morning we got an e-mail from our program director saying that the landlord is letting us keep the apartments until Tuesday instead of Saturday. I thought that was nice but didn't think much of it. Apparently, everyone else did.

By the time I got to class, the girls were all talking about how they were going to spend the weekend in New York sightseeing and walking around. Other than the first day when I was lost all day, I hadn't really had a chance to just have fun and see New York so I thought that sounded like fun. The thing was, their significant others and babies were all going to be here for that weekend too. My excitement dropped a little.

"I don't know if I'm going to stay," I told them.

"Why not?" they were all asking me in disappointment.

"I just don't want to seem like a third wheel," I said trying to contain my disappointment.

"You won't be a third wheel, it's going to be a big group of us and you won't be left out!" Jackie told me.

Easy for her to say, I thought, she's married to her baby's father. This is a fun family event for them.

"I don't know," I said.

"You could always ask Ricky if he wants to come?" Molly suggested.

"He wouldn't do that," I laughed.

"You never know, he might," Kayla suggested.

"I'm sure he won't." I said.

"Even if he doesn't come, we haven't gotten a chance to just have fun in New York. And you're from California, when are you going to have another chance to be back here?" Megan made a very good point. "Besides, I'm staying and we all know that Dan is not coming," she said with a laugh.

Dan is Megan's ex-boyfriend who she has not seen since she told him she was pregnant. After their son, Kevin, was born, her family convinced her to demand child support from him, a case that she won, but even with that, Dan still had no desire to see her or even meet Kevin. Her story is one of the ones that touched me the most in this program, mainly because when I had first gotten pregnant I was very afraid that that was going to be what happened to me. I realize now that was a big part of why I clung so hard to Ben. I admire Megan's courage so much and I think it's great that she is able to laugh about this situation.

"Alright," I told them, "I'll talk to Ricky and see if he's ok with keeping John for a few more days."

"You can at least ask him if he wants to come," Kayla suggested again.

"I don't think I'm going to do that, but I do have to see if he's ok with me staying longer than I originally said," I compromised.

When I got home from dinner, I called Ricky. I needed to talk to him anyway because I know today is the last day of school at Grant. I just want to figure out his work schedule so we can let the nursery know. I was really nervous to bring up the extra time here.

"Hello?" He picked up.

"Hey," I said, "I just wanted to touch base with you about time changes for the summer."

"Ok, what do you mean?" he asked.

"So you're still going to be working at the usual time, right, now that school's out? I mean I know you'll be starting earlier, but you're still going to pick up John at the usual time, right?"

"Yes I'm still going to pick John up at the usual time. And I don't have to go to work today or even this weekend. Bunny told Ben and me we could have the weekend off before we start summer hours."

"That was nice."

"Yeah it was. So what are you doing?"

"We're playing in Central Park tonight. There are a lot of people in the park for this Shakespeare Festival."

"It sounds as if you've been nothing but playing the entire time you've been there."

"Playing as in I'm playing in a quartette. We're one of three quartettes scheduled to play tonight."

"Oh? I thought Ashley said you were giving that up?"

"No, I'm not giving up the French Horn entirely," I clarified, " I'm still going to play for enjoyment, I just don't think the French horn is going to be my career, that's all."

"And what is?" he asked with a tone of voice I did not care for.

"I don't know. Why do you sound so snotty?"

"Do I?"

"Yeah"

"Because maybe I'm tired. I got up at six with John."

"Ah, I see, tired huh?" I laughed, "I know how that is."

"Yeah, I know you do. How much longer are you there?"

And here came the conversation I was kind of dreading.

"You know how much longer I'm here, I'm here for two more weeks," I hesitated, "Although, I think I maybe want to stay a day or two extra at the end of the program."

"Oh, woah, woah, woah, when four weeks is up four weeks is up. John's doing ok but staying extra days, extra time away from him?"

This was going to be harder than I thought. " I know, I know, I miss him, I really miss him and I'm really anxious to get home to him but they said we could keep the apartments for a few days extra at the end of the program if we want."

"Are you kidding?"

"No, isn't that nice?"

"No. It's not nice for you to take advantage of the situation and stay longer than you said."

"That's not what I'm doing," I said quietly.

"Then what are you doing?" he as starting to yell.

"Alright, well I wasn't going to say anything but some of the dads are flying in at the end of the program to be with the mothers alone as a couple at the end of the program. I think it would be kind of awkward for us to do that since we've never actually been in a relationship. So I was just going to stick around and help babysit and meet my friends boyfriends or partners or-" I got cut off when my call waiting beeped. "Ugh, there goes my phone again," I said rolling my eyes.

"Why does your phone keep beeping?" He asked angrily.

"Because Ben keeps trying to call me."

"Why don't you jus talk to him and tell him that it's over. Put him out of his misery, as well as everyone around him."

I couldn't believe that he just said that. "What?" I asked.

"Is it over or isn't it?"

I thought I made it pretty clear that it was, but whether I did or not shouldn't be any of Ricky's concern. "That's really none of your business," I told him.

"Yeah it is!" He yelled. "He's starting to bug me. He's having a baby with Adrian, he shouldn't even be trying to get together with you."

"You really are tired and cranky."

"Yeah I am, and you know what? Maybe if Ben hadn't been trying to get together with you when we were having a baby, things might have gone differently and maybe I would be flying in at the end of that program to be with you in New York."

That was really not the response I was expecting from him and I was very surprised. "Differently how?" I asked

"I don't know. But what chance did we ever have at a relationship when he was willing to step up and come to the rescue," he said sounding like he was just brushing off what he had previously said.

"I guess you're right. But it doesn't make any difference now, I'm coming to my own rescue."

"Hey I've been staying at your house for two weeks. And I'm going to be here another two weeks taking care of our son. Don't you think I've come to your rescue just a little? Huh?"

"You're right, John is _our_ son not just my son, so you're really not rescuing me, you're just doing your part as John's dad. Not that I don't appreciate it, but that's not coming to my rescue, alright?"

"Yeah alright!" he yelled again.

"Wow, you're not just tired and cranky, you're... I don't know what you are."

"I don't know either!" he yelled again as he hung up on me.

I rolled my eyes. This was not the first time he had brought up Ben standing in the way of him and I being together but I guess I just never realized how serious he was about it. I never took him as the relationship type. He called me back about 30 seconds later so I figured I should try and talk him into letting me stay again.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I'm sure the thought of me staying here a few extra days is really annoying but I'm just asking you to think about it. Just think about it, that's all I'm asking." I said as I answered.

"Maybe you can think about my flying to New York at the end of the program just like all the other dads are doing." He said.

I was shocked. Not only was I not even going to ask him. I was sure that was not something he would ever want to do. Not that he was offering, I'm not really sure if I want him to.

"Ricky I told you, those are dads that are in relationships with the mothers. Some of them even living together, some even actually married."

"Well if we're not in a relationship what are we?" he asked. While I was used to everyone else in the world asking me that question, I never expected him to.

"I don't know," I said, "I think we'll be different things to each other at different times. Right now I don't think we really know what we are other than John's parents."

"Ok," he said, "But I have the weekend. What if I fly to New York and we could just talk. I hate talking over the phone and I want to talk to you. I could bring John if you want me to but I want to talk to you."

"Ricky, you can't fly here and back in a weekend with John," I said surprised at myself that _that _was the part of the conversation that I chose to hear, "he would be so unhappy on a plane all that time."

"But you're not saying no to my coming?"

"Well, I mean we haven't really talked the way other parents here have talked so I guess it would be helpful. But I wouldn't want you to leave John with anyone other than my mom and my dad and..." I stopped and thought about what I was saying. "This is crazy!"

"Why is it crazy? I don't think it's crazy. I think it's about time we confronted each other don't you?"

That's what he wanted to do? Confront me?

"Ok, not confront each other," he clarified "but it's time we talk to each other. We need to talk to each other."

"We can talk when I get back?" I suggested.

"Or we could talk this weekend."

"Yeah, or this weekend." I finally agreed.

We hung up the phone and I was still surprised. He said he was going to leave tonight under the condition he gets permission from my parents. He called me back shortly after to say that he did. His flight was leaving at 9:30 tonight. The flight is about six hours and then it takes about another hour to get to the airport form my apartment. That means he should be here by about 7:30 tomorrow morning. While I was figuring this out Ben had called me three more times. If I don't want anything to ruin this weekend. Ben had to stop calling me. I _finally _decided to give in and call him.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Hello Ben," I said unenthusiastically.

"AMY? Is that really you?" he asked.

"Yes, it's really me."

"Oh, thank you thank you thank you for talking to me."

"Ben, I thought it was clear when I didn't return any of your 57 messages that I don't really want to talk to you right now. But apparently you can't accept that I don't really want to talk to you so I'm just calling to let you know that I will talk to you at some point, but not over the phone. Ok? When I get back then we can talk face to face but until then, please stop calling me!"

"So you will see me and talk to me when you get back?" he asked pathetically.

"Yes I will, I definitely will. I'll call you when I'm ready to talk."

"When do you think that will be? What day do you get back? What time? Do you think I can pick you up from the airport? I drove you to the airport, remember."

"I'll call you when I get back. A day or two after I get home, after I've had time to see John, get settled in I'll call you and we can get together and talk."

"Can we just talk for a minute now? Please."

"I don't have much time there's something I have to do tonight."

"I just want to know that there's hope. That there's hope that some day you and I can be together again despite what's going on with Adrian and me," he started rambling.

"I don't want to have this conversation over the phone."

"Well I can come back there. Yeah, I can ask my dad if he minds taking the jet and I can fly there again and we can talk face to face." He suggested.

Ironic. Talk about a terrible idea. "No Ben, I'm sorry, but no." I said. I looked at the time and I had to meet the girls to walk to the park for the festival. "And I really have to go, I'll call you when I'm ready to talk."

"That's two more weeks, Amy. I don't know if I can not call you for two more weeks."

I was getting really frustrated now. "Well then just start with this weekend, alright? No more phone calls or messages or anything this weekend, alright."

"Ok I think I can do that, just not call all weekend and I will look forward to talking to you face to face whenever you're ready to talk face to face."

I didn't say anything.

"Amy, was there something else that you wanted to tell me?"

"No, I don't think so," I said, "Bye Ben."

"Bye Amy and thanks for calling."

"You're welcome. Bye."

I hung up and went down to Kayla's room to meet the girls and walk over to the park. I really do hope Ben leaves me alone this weekend.

"There you are. What took you so long?" Molly asked me.

"It's kind of a long story," I answered, "but guess what, Ricky's coming."

"At the end of the program?" Jackie asked excitedly.

I hesitated, "No, tonight," I answered. as they all looked at me in shock. "Well actually he's leaving tonight and he'll be here tomorrow morning."

I'm sure no one knew what to say in response to that. I still didn't really know what I thought about it, but I was starting to get excited. I'm just afraid it might be awkward. The festival went really well. Everyone seemed to love our quartette. The girls were all going out afterward but because I knew Ricky was getting here really early in the morning, I just went home.

I got up early to clean and get everything ready before Ricky got here. The buzzer rang right around the time he said he would be there. When I was waiting for him to come up, I was a lot more anxious than I thought I would be. When he finally got up to my room, I was really happy to see him.

"Welcome to New York," I said, "Come on in."

"It's nice," he said looking around.

"Yeah, isn't it? So how was your flight?"

"It was good. I slept the whole way."

"So you're not tired?"

"No I'm not tired."

"Still we should probably walk over to your hotel." His hotel was only a few blocks away from my apartment which was convenient. He hadn't made a reservation, he said he was planning on just doing that when he got there.

"Or I could do that alone, clean up, come back in about an hour or two."

"Yeah, then we can go get some breakfast. I always eat breakfast at this cute little place around the corner. All the girls do. All the girls in the program. THey call us the little mothers, all the guys who work there."

He didn't say anything but gave me a strange look.

"Or you can just clean up and shower here," I suggested, "I have a really nice shower and a bath tub."

"I can do that I guess."

"Yeah that would probably be quicker. Then I'll show you New York." I said excitedly.

He paused for a while. "I'm not really here to see New York," he finally said, "I'm just here to see you."

That was not at all the answer I was expecting and I didn't know how to respond, so I decided to just brush it off.  
>I'm kind of hungry. Are you hungry?"<p>

"I could eat. But after I clean up."

"I've missed..." I paused. I wanted to say 'you' but I thought that might be weird "...John" I saved myself.

"He's missed you to. But he's busy walking around getting into everything. He's really growing up fast."

"I hope he's ok without you there."

"He'll be ok."

There was an awkward silence for a minute.

"It's really good to see you Amy," Ricky said as he walked up and hugged me. A hug that lasted quite a while for us.

"You too, Ricky, you too."

I did some homework while Ricky was getting ready. He was done in about ten minutes.

"We should go get some breakfast," I said when he was ready.

"Yeah let's do it," he paused, "go get some breakfast I mean," he said nervously.

"Yeah I knew what you meant."

"Did you?" he said right before he kissed me! I was not really expecting that to happen but it was really nice! It seemed like it lasted a long time and I loved every second of it. This was only the fourth time I had ever kissed him, ever. I guess I forgot how nice it was. He had a spark that Ben just didn't really have for me.

After we pulled away we really didn't talk about what had just happened which was fine. We had a great day together. We went to the coffee shop I always go to for breakfast. We then went back to the apartment and just talked for a long time about everything. We really haven't just talked to each other stress free since band camp. I guess I forgot how nice that was too. After band camp we never really got a chance to talk again which is partly my fault because I avoided him for so long. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened with us had I not gotten pregnant.

After lunch we walked around the city for a while. Ricky had never been to New York so we went to see the main sites. I wasn't all that familiair with the city either, so I brought him to the places that I knew. When we were hungry again we picked up some Chinese food and brought it back to the apartment to eat. We never stopped talking the whole day. It wasn't until after dinner that we really started talking about 'us' and that wasn't aw awkward as I thought it would be either. I confronted him about the Ashley thing once again and he was very honest and open with me about it. I didn't even realize he was capable of that kind of honesty and it was really nice.

"I should get going," he eventually said. I surprised myself with my disappointment because I guess I really didn't want him to.

"Why?" I asked clearly showing my disappointment.

"It's late," he paused, "And I told your parents we wouldn't do anything."

"We're not doing anything," I said.

"Well when can we do something? Can we ever have sex again?" he asked.

"Woah conversation took a turn here," I said. I wasn't expecting him to ask something like that but I guess it was kind of inevitable. "I don't know if we could ever have sex again, could you ever not sleep with every girl you got the chance to sleep with?"

"I'm working on that," he admitted.

"So you're still sleeping around?" I laughed.

"I'm still sleeping around."

"Well if you ever want to sleep with me again you'll stop doing that."

"I'll stop doing that," he said immediately.

I couldn't really tell if he was being serious I had to tell him just how serious I was being. "Ricky it's one thing to say that but it's another thing to not do it with anyone else but me. And it would have to be no one else but me. I would want an exclusive relationship. And even then I would insist that you get tested for HIV and everything else before we had sex again and I would still want to use condoms."

"Well I would want you to be on the pill," he said defensively.

"I am on the pill."

He looked so confused. "Why? Why are you on the pill?"

"Because of you. Because I know what can happen and it's never going to happen unintentionally again," I told him honestly. While I don't blame him for what happened at band camp anymore, he is still and will always be the one who taught be just how important safe sex is. He looked really hurt when I said that. I had never thought of this before but maybe he blames himself to some extent too. Without saying anything he sat back down on the couch so I sat back down next to him.

"So you're saying that one day you'd like to have more children?"

"I don't know," I answered truthfully, "I love John. I wish we were older but we weren't. I love him so much it's crazy. He's so cute, isn't he cute?"

"He's my kid of course he's cute, I'm cute."

"We're a cute family," I caught myself saying, "not family but whatever we are."

"What do you want us to be," he asked. There it was, the inevitable question that I had no idea how to answer.

"I don't know. I really don't. I think it's too soon to decide."

"Me neither," he said quietly, "But John's over a year old. He's walking. Maybe we should decide."

"He walks funny," I added.

"He runs funny," Ricky said as we both laughed thinking of the adorable way he awkwardly waddles.

"So you really think we should decide?" I asked.

"It doesn't have to be tonight but, yeah Amy, eventually we should."

"Well you've heard what I have to say about it."

He looked at me nervously. "I don't know how ready I am for something so exclusive."

"Well you just said yourself, nothing has to happen right now."

"I guess you're right," he said. We were both quite for a few moments. "Maybe now I should go," he said.

"You don't have to," I told him. I don't know why but a part of me really didn't want him to leave. "You could stay here if you want to. I mean it wouldn't be the first time we've slept in the same room."

He agreed. We hadn't had a sleepover since John's birthday but the summer before that, much to Ben's dismay, he did spend the night at my house plenty of times so this wasn't new territory for us.

The next day was a lot like the first. We talked and talked all day until he had to leave for the airport at six. We agreed that we would keep everything that happened between us this weekend just between us. Granted there was nothing really to tell but Ricky says that we don't need everyone knowing our business, and I agree. He did say I could tell the girls here because they have been such a great support system to me, but definitely not tell Madison and Lauren. We also agreed that we would still consider the possibility of a relationship, but not until we were both ready which I could tell he wasn't yet. Even though he just left, it's weird how much I already miss him.


	8. Lady Liberty

Apparently, even though Ricky and I agreed that our weekend together would stay just between us, it didn't take long before word got out that he was there. I don't know who told everyone, but I know he didn't. If I had to guess it was probably Ashley but I guess that doesn't really matter.

On Monday I got a text from Madison and I could only assume Lauren was in on it too.

_From:Madison_

_So Ricky came to visit? wtf? Tell us everything!_

I figured it would be best if I didn't respond. Seconds later I got another text.

_From: Madison_

_How was it? Did you have fun? Did you guys do anything? We need details!_

_To:Madison_

_It was fine._

I wasn't giving any more details than that, not even to my best friends. I thought about it, but until I knew what was going on between Ricky and me, I wasn't about to start telling other people about it. Plus I know that Madison and Lauren can't keep their mouths shut to save their lives and if I told them anything the whole school would know in like five minutes.

* * *

><p>A couple days later, on my birthday to be exact, I got an interesting call from Adrian. I know we worked things out but I was still surprised to see her name on my called ID since I was sure she wasn't calling to wish me a happy birthday.<p>

"Hey Adrian, What's up?" I answered.

"I just thought I'd call," she said.

"Oh, for no apparent reason," I asked cutting right to the chase.

"I just wanted to say hi and see how you are," she told me.

"Thanks, Adrian. I've been wondering how you are too," I told her. That wasn't a lie, I really was curious about how she was doing.

"Really? I would have thought Ricky would have told you this weekend how I am." There it was.

"We didn't really have a lot time to talk about you."

"Why is that?" she asked suspiciously.

"He was only here for a short time and we had a lot to discuss."

"Like?"

"Like stuff about John. So how are you? How are you feeling?"

"Just like I told Ricky when he came over last week and spent half the night talking to me, I'm feeling good. Really good."

"So no more morning sickness?"

"No," she answered quickly clearly not wanting to talk about that. "You know, Ben was really upset that Ricky just took off and flew to New York without telling him. He still loves you - Ben," she quickly clarified.

"He's a nice guy, Ben, and I'm sure he'll be a responsible dad."

"I'm sure," she snapped. "You know, my dad really wants us to get married. I mean how crazy is that? Ben and me married! I mean _everyone _knows that he's in love with you. He's always been in love with you. Just like Ricky's always kind of been in love with me, you know."

I wasn't really sure what she was getting at with that but I decided to be as honest with her as I could. "Babies have a way of making relationships change whether you want the relationship to change or not."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean relationships change. Thing happen, babies are born, and the babies grow up. Sometimes so do the parents."

"Are you telling me I need to grow up?" she asked defensively. "Is that what you're saying?"

"Oh no, that's not what I'm saying at all. I'm sorry you took it that way. Please don't take it that way, Adrian. I really want us to be friends. I think we have a good shot at being friends. It's a very difficult experience having a baby in high school and girls tend to relate to each other based on common experiences."

"Well we also have the common experiences of Ben and Ricky."

"Actually I've never had sex with Ben, remember?" I clarified.

"Oh yeah I forgot. Well he surprised me. It was a lot of fun. It was the only time I've ever seen him let loose and enjoy himself."

"I don't think we should be talking about what the two of you did, that's all very private and personal and all that."

"I'm just saying maybe you should sleep with him."

"Adrian, I don't think I'm going to have sex again with anyone I'm not married to."

"You and Ricky aren't thinking of getting married are you? You didn't get married this past weekend did you?"

I laughed, "Adrian, Ricky and I decided to keep what happened this weekend between the two of us."

"But then you'll tell Lauren and Madison, and Madison will tell Jack and Jack will tell Grace and she'll tell Ben so you might as well just tell me!"

"I can't sorry. Why don't we talk about something else."

"Because I want to know what's going on between you and Ricky. And I would think you would want to know what's going on between me and Ricky."

"No, that's between Ricky and you."

"Just tell me!" she yelled.

"Sorry, I can't. But it was great talking to you," I said sarcastically, "We should catch up again soon." On that note I hung up. I couldn't help but laugh at her desperation to know what was going on. I better get more used to it because I'm sure everyone is going to be asking me the same questions.

I went about the day as I normally would. I didn't want to make a big deal about my birthday but I couldn't help but be a little disappointed when I hadn't heard from my friends and family at all regarding my birthday. I'm sure they will call me eventually but I thought they would have by now.

My friends here were all trying to convince me to go out and celebrate, but I wasn't really in the mood to do that. We all went out to dinner and they paid for me which was really nice. But I still didn't really want to put too much emphasis on it. Seventeen really isn't an important birthday anyway.

During dinner I got a text.

_From: Lauren_

_Haven't hear from you in a while what's going on?_

I hadn't talked to her in a while and I did want to see what was going on with her. Plus I was impressed that she didn't immediately ask about my weekend with Ricky. I felt rude texting her back when I was out with people who _did _care it was my birthday so I figured I would just call her back later.

I called her when we got home from dinner and I had a chance to talk.

"Hi Amy," she answered.

"Hey Lauren, What's up?"

"Nothing good."

"Oh, well I'm sorry I didn't text you back, I just figured I'd call. I miss you."

"My dad's over here. He just screwed up my entire life in one visit."

"Your dad dad?"

"That one."

"How?"

"I e-mailed him by mistake. I was e-mailing him and Madison and Jesse all one after another. I guess the one I thought I sent to Madison went to him."

"That's too bad. I'm sorry. What did it say?"

Before she could tell me Madison beeped in. I decided to take it because, I don't know, I guess I was still waiting for a birthday call and Lauren didn't seem to remember. Answering her call was clearly a mistake. Not only did she not remember my birthday but she was talking a mile a minute about the same thing Lauren had just told me. Something about lying to their parents about staying at Grace's guest house with their boyfriends.

"... and now he tells me that we can't be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore because he thinks we're going to do something stupid like get pregnant," I heard her say and I tried not to take any offense to it.

"Yeah it's a pretty stupid thing to do," I said unsure if she even realized who she was talking to. "Can I call you back I have Lauren on the other line," I said as I attempted to switch over. As I was doing that Megan and Molly walked up and interrupted.

"Oh hey, there you are," Molly said.

"Hey, I was just talking to some friends back home," I told them.

"Hang up, you're going out with us," she said sternly.

"Oh no, it's ok, I think I'm just going to stay in tonight," I replied.

"Nope, we're not taking no for an answer," Megan responded, "You never go out so tonight, you're going out."

"We're going to take you to that new club, Pajamas. And no admittance without pajamas so get dressed," Molly demanded.

"Well actually undressed," Megan clarified, "Go on, we're going to wait for you."

Obviously they had planned this since I told them I didn't want to go out earlier so I guess I didn't have a choice. I went back inside to change.

"And don't stop to call John or Ricky or anyone. Let's go. This is your night Amy Juergens," Megan yelled after me.

The club wasn't too far away from our apartment so we decided to walk there. I had mentioned to the girls that I hadn't heard from anyone about my birthday yet. They sounded optimistic that I still would at some point but I wasn't so sure anymore. Clearly my two best friends didn't remember or were just too wrapped up in their own stupid drama to care.

We got to the club and I was a little overwhelmed. I had never been to a club before and to be honest, I'm not sure if I liked it. This particular club was targeted to teenagers. You only had to be 16 to get in and there were separate sections for under and over 21. It was very loud and hot inside but I did think the pajama theme was fun. As we were walking in my dad called me. I attempted to answer it but I really couldn't hear him that well over the noise inside.

"Dad is that you?" I yelled into the phone.

"Where are you?" he yelled acknowledging the background noise.

"I'm at a club."

"You're at a club?" he asked very confused. He said something else that I really couldn't hear.

"I can't hear you talk louder?"

"What kind of club?" I heard him ask.

"It's a pajama club. You have to wear pajamas to get in."

"Amy, your dad and I are getting married again!" I heard my mom say.

"Really? Tonight?"

I couldn't hear what she said next and then eventually the line went dead. Another disappointment form my family and friends. My parents lately have been breaking up and getting back together all the time. I sometimes forgot that they are even divorced so I don't find the news of them getting remarried all that exciting.

After that call, though, I didn't really want to be at the club anymore but I couldn't tell my friends that. I kept checking my phone to see if I had any messages, mainly from Ricky, but I never did. I could have sworn I had mentioned to Ricky when by birthday was when he was here. But then again, maybe I didn't. I can't even remember anymore but it really hurt that him of all people didn't remember. The girls could tell that I wasn't happy so we decided to leave.

"No text from Ricky?" Megan asked me.

"No."

"No text from Madison or Lauren?" Molly asked.

"No."

"From your sister?" Megan asked trying to be optimistic.

"No."

"Not even from your mom or dad?" Molly asked now very surprised.

"No but whatever, I had a really nice time."

"You should have a picture," Molly suggested as she took my phone. After she took it she started messing around with my phone.

"What are you doing?" I asked her.

"I'm sending it to Ricky," She told me.

I didn't really want her to do that. What was the point?

"Whatever, let's go. We have class tomorrow it's late," I said.

"We have class." "It's late." "We shouldn't have any fun." "We're mommies." They both mocked me. I wasn't amused.

"Enjoy it. The real world is coming back sooner than you think," Megan told me.

Molly handed my phone back to me and we left. On our way home they insisted on stopping at the grocery store and picking up a cake. I told them that really wasn't necessary and that I just wanted to go to bed, but they insisted. I felt bad that they probably thought that they did something wrong because of the way I was acting, but they knew that it wasn't their fault. They kept trying to tell me that I should say something to my friends and family about forgetting.

"I think you should text them all," Megan suggested.

"Nah, I don't care, really," I said trying to convince both them and myself.

"You do too care," Molly cut in, "And you know what, you should say that you care. You should say how you feel. You should let people know if you are upset about something. You need to let them know. That's what we've been talking about in group. About not trying to be perfect even though we totally screwed up. I mean, you still have feelings and some of those feelings toward some of those people are not so great."

She was right. That was pretty much the number one thing we had been talking about for the past few weeks was our relationships with the main supporters in our lives. I have to admit I was getting a lot out of those group sessions even if I don't like to say it. No one likes to admit they need help.

"Your feelings towards your friends and family tonight, for example," Megan said, "You could let them know in a nice way but you should let them know. Here, let me take another picture. A picture you could sent to everyone," she said as she took out the cake and lit the candle. "Put 'happy birthday to me' as the subject."

"I don't know," I hesitated.

"Do it!" they said together.

Just as I was about to, my phone finally went off. When I saw it was from Ricky I got excited. I opened it up and there was no words, it was a picture of John sleeping. It made me smile to see it, but I was really confused as to why he sent it.

"That's sweet but why would he send me that?" I asked the girls showing the picture.

"I'll tell you why," Megan answered, "He thinks you're out at a club while poor Ricky is at home with John; which I doubt by the way. He probably just got home."

"That sounds about right," Molly agreed.

As they said that I had the worst thoughts running through my head. I know Ricky and I weren't officially anything yet, but he had told me that he would stop sleeping with other girls for me and I just had a gut feeling that that was exactly what he was doing right now. The worst part about that was there was nothing I could do to stop him. I also realized that the longer I'm away from him, the less likely our chances are of ever working out.

That was when I finally agreed to sending the picture. He was the only person I sent it to. I waited up for a while to see if I would get a response and I never did. Happy birthday to me? Yeah right. But I do really appreciate the girls' effort to make it better. It was then that I was starting to realize that I really didn't want to be here anymore.


	9. Sweet and Sour

I was really upset the next morning when I _still _hadn't heard from anyone at home. I couldn't believe that everyone seriously forgot my birthday. Ricky didn't even say anything and I had actually reminded him. I kept repeating in my head what Megan and Molly had told me last night. Even though Ricky told me that he wouldn't have sex with other girls anymore. I can't help but think that that's what he was out doing last night. Whether we do become something or not I bet he probably knew he had another week before I got home so he was still in the clear. I hate thinking these things about him but I just can't help it.

I decided to call him before class. Since it was still so early there, I knew he wouldn't answer so I left a message. I figured that would be easier than actually talking to him.

"Hey, it's me, Amy. I want to talk to you. I don't know what you were doing on my birthday but I wasn't doing anything. You know if I was hoping that people would remember my birthday I should have said something. But it honestly didn't seem that important to me this year. Being able to come here to this program is what was important. But now what's important is for us to have a chance. So call me. Please, please, please call me. No matter what you did on my birthday, call me. ...Not that you did anything, but... I'm not accusing you of doing anything. I totally messed this up. Bye. -Oh hi, John, it's Mommy. I'm going to be home in a few days. I love you... That was for John, the 'I love you' anyway, bye."

Well I was definitely wrong about that being easier. I know I sounded like a total idiot. I'm not even sure if I care, though. I'm just really homesick now. I was telling the truth when I said I am grateful for getting the chance to come here. I will always be grateful that I got this opportunity. It really has changed my life. But with everything going on at home I just feel like I need to be there rather than here. Not hearing from anyone kind of confirmed that for me.

I got on my computer and immediately started researching flights back to Los Angeles. A few minutes later Bristol came to my door to get me for class.

"Hey, are you ready to go?" she asked. I couldn't answer her question really. What was the point in going to class today? I don't want to play the French Horn anymore and that's what I would be doing all morning. I don't really want to stay in New York. I don't feel like talking to anyone other than Ricky. And I definitely don't want to talk _about _Ricky, I want to talk _to _him.

"I don't think I'm going to go," I told her.

"Why not?" She asked.

"Something just came up."

She looked at me confused but could tell that she was not going to get any additional information out of me.

"Ok well I hope everything's ok," she said as she turned around to leave.

I'm probably like the worst buddy in the world. I feel bad always leaving her like this. But I can't think about it; that isn't important right now. Before I booked a flight I called my dad.

"Amy?" he answered.

"Hey, Dad," I said.

"Oh, Amy I'm so glad you called. I'm so sorry we didn't call you yesterday. We were just so busy planning for when you got home and getting remarried and-"

I cut him off right there. I really didn't care to hear any excuses as to why my own father could forget my birthday. Now was not the time. "Whatever, it's fine," I said.

"I just feel so terrible..." he began to ramble again.

"Look, that's not what I called to talk about," I told him.

"Ok, well what did you want to talk about?"

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of changing my flight to an earlier one that I had originally planned."

"Earlier?" he asked very confused, "Ricky told us you wanted to stay there longer than you originally planned. What happened?"

"I'm just really ready to come home. I really miss John and I'm tired of the French horn and I just want to come home," I said as honestly as I could leaving out that one major detail.

"Well sure Ames, you know we would love it if you came back early. We really miss you over here. When were you thinking about coming back?"

"Tonight."

"Tonight?" he asked very surprised, "are you really that homesick? Are you sure there isn't something else bothering you?"

I couldn't tell him my main reason for wanting to come home so early, so I tried to keep at as general as I could. "No, nothing else is bothering me. It's just that for the rest of the program all we're really doing is preparing for the final concert and I already pulled my numbers out of it."

"Ok, well whatever you feel like you have to do, we miss you, kid."

"I know, I miss you too. I'll let you know what I end up deciding."

"Alright, bye Ames," he said as we hung up.

On that note I went back to researching flights. I did find one on my same airline as my original flight. My ticket was refundable so I could change it right now for no additional charge. This new flight was leaving tonight at six thirty. I booked it and immediately started packing up everything in my room. I had to leave the apartment by three thirty if I wanted to get there in time. It takes almost an hour to get to the airport plus I still had to validate my ticket change when I got there and go through security and everything else.

I'm really sad that I won't be able to say goodbye to the girls. They won't be back from class by the time I have to leave. I'm really going to miss them all. They have been so great to me throughout this whole program and I can't even imagine not meeting them. I sent all of them a text telling them what was up.

_To: Megan, Jackie, Lizzie, Kayla, Jane, Bristol, Molly, Jenny_

_Hey guys, I just wanted to let you know I'm leaving New York. Something came up and I have to go home. I just wanted to thank you all for being so great this whole time and being there for me. You guys are the best. I promise to keep in touch! xoxo_

Once I was packed and ready to go is when I started second guessing my decision to leave. I knew in my head I should stay here in New York, but now that I finally have a chance to maybe be with Ricky; to have my family all be together, something I never thought in a million years would actually happen, I have to take advantage of the opportunity and I can't do that here.

Everything went smoothly at the airport. As I was waiting for my flight I got some really nice responses from the girls all saying they were sad to hear I was leaving and all wishing me good luck with everything. The messages made me tear up a little bit. I am definitely going to miss them. They are such amazing people and they understand me so much better than Madison and Lauren do. I thought about texting Ricky and letting him know that I was coming back but quickly decided against that idea.

When I got on the plane I tried to sleep but I couldn't, I was much too anxious. I just had so many thoughts running through my head. What if Ricky had slept with someone else? How would I react to that? I can't be mad since we aren't really anything yet, but I think it would still upset me, but I'm not allowed to be upset. Do I say something about it? Would he tell me the truth? Does he have to tell me? This is all just so confusing.

I then got to thinking about what we are. I mean we seemed to be on the same page when he came to New York but did he really mean all that stuff? Or was that weekend too good to be true? I hope it wasn't but how do I even approach the situation when I see him? He said he wasn't ready for a serious relationship but what about a casual one? Does that count? We could date casually, right? Can you even start something casual with someone you have a baby with? That doesn't count as a serious relationship. But would he go for something like that? I don't think he ever took Adrian out on a date, ever. But would he do that for me? Or is there too much baggage for anything ever to work out between us at all?

I tried to stop thinking about these things but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't. I guess the only benefit to these neurotic thoughts was that it made the flight go a little faster because before I knew it we were descending. When the plane finally landed I got off and got my stuff as quickly as possible. I was debating whether or not I should call my parents to pick me up or to just take a cab. I looked at the time and it was already after ten. With two babies in the house, it's probably better not to disturb anyone at home this late. Plus I know if I see my parents they are going to want to talk and ask me all about the program when I really just want to talk to Ricky right now and no one else. So I decided to take a cab.

When I got to my house it was almost as if I was nervous to walk in the door. I don't know why, I mean it's my home, it should never make me nervous. My heart was racing as I gathered my things and got out of the cab. It was a feeling I couldn't describe. I walked in the kitchen door and I saw John and Ricky. That just made this weird feeling multiply so much. Ricky was getting some Juice for John. It was really late for John to still but up but I didn't care. I was excited to see him.

"Hi John!" I said excitedly, "Hey Buddy. Mommy's home! Come here Buddy!" I said as he walked over to me.

"What happened?" Ricky asked me, "What are you doing here?"

"It's just a few more days. I thought it was more important to see you before anything happens. Anything that could keep us apart," I told him.  
>But as I said that he had a look of guilt on his face which basically told be I was right about all of my suspicions. Maybe coming home early was a mistake after all.<p>

**AN:** That's the end. I hope you guys liked it. It was just meant to fill in the gaps for what we didn't see while Amy was in New York. Now that she's back, the show can tell the rest of the story. Thank you so much for all of your kind reviews!


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